that's right I did this all by myself

Feel free to add your own in comments

the savage chicken... he knows

Check out all of Doug Savage's Chickens

*wicked witch* (written today)

You are the wicked witch in whom the devil is well pleased

You shoot us full of geodon and send us to our knees.

If ever there were happy times they certainly are not now:

As we are assaulted with your frustration and beaten at our brow.

Your ego is immense and second only to your philosophy

that the mentally ill are inferior and should be dealt with accordingly.

There is no yellow brick road with a happy promise at the end--

After a diagnosis, there's no point in hoping you'll ever return home again

neurotic... a little tooooo neurotic yeah I really do think

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_NrOpl6h5Y

So I'm sitting here after having a crappy ass friggin' day and can't seem to cease these moronic neurotic thoughts. Thoughts about people not caring, about me not finding help, thoughts about giving up fighting this whole fight thing that happens everyday. So, instead... I thought in case someone ever actually READ this blog... I'd take the slight chance that they'd find a prompt interesting. The prompt? Re-write Alanis Morisette's "ironic" using neurotic :-)

The Truth thanks to Tumblr

Oxymoron

June 9,2001

A particularly irksome oxymoron: self-evaluation. For both are undeniably skew. Self has been ravaged by disease and perception for an “evaluation” are completely run-amok. Yet this all relies completely on me in my horrid state to evaluate my condition and seek help accordingly. Sounds more like a sick joke than proper instruction.

So I'm sitting here desperately trying to figure out how to put up old poems and simultaneously write blog entries. The above piece is dated in 2001 and it seems that through out the day I think about old pieces. This is the one that comes to me now. I am slightly manic... ok: pretty manic if I'm being honest. It's almost 1:30 AM and I am wide awake. So basically I have self evaluated to come to this conclusion.

I am struggling with this idea that SO MANY of my friends are struggling right now. I feel bad even asking for an ear to listen to my feelings. So--here with the anonymity of a screen name I will share what is going on.

I have yet to post a truly funny entry. Hopefully one of those is soon to come as these emo thoughts do not really get a lot of readership.

I keep thinking that I need to write something... it would have to be brief-- to describe the things I feel. I keep hearing repeated phrases and even lectures born of ignorance in relation to how my head works. Per the quote at the top of the page it is relatively evident that I have been made aware that I do not think like the rest of this world. This has been evident for a very long time.

This November will be the 10 year anniversary of my diagnosis-- or as Angelina Jolie referred to it in "Girl, Interrupted" my diagnonsense. And quite frankly I don't know what to think about that. And with that? I pass.

So it has been one freaking long day

Things I learned today:

1) know it alls tend to know social skills LEAST OF ALL

2) know-it-alls don't have a lot of friends

3) bossy people will often be stuck doing just about everything by themselves cuz heck if I'm going to do something and you're going to nitpick over how I did it? Congratulations... you just won yourself more work

4) people who masquerade as being humble and needing your help? maybe I should add about that they constantly use excuses and complain as to why they can't handle something themselves? Well quite frankly that *is* often true BUT when you use the same blasted excuse for over a year... it's up to you to fix it. If you don't have a bio-chemical or physical ailment... if it is an EXTERNAL factor... divorce that factor from your life. Then stop whining to everybody about why your life sucks.

4a) when you act entitled and EXPECT people to help-- chances are that they won't

4b) failing to show gratitude for those that DO give of their time, money, and emotional resources is a massive catalyst in them not helping you anymore

4c) the people that help you despite these things? YUP YOU ARE WALKING ALL OVER THEM BECAUSE THEY DON'T HAVE THE COURAGE TO TELL YOU NO!

The Misfits of Christianity *December 2006*

The misfits of Christianity give generously

For they remember the time they were without.

Whether it is of their love

For they were without friends

Whether it is of their money or belongings

For they without food or clothes

Whether it is of their patience

For they were without mercy from others.

The misfits of Christianity never judge and forgive graciously

For they remember what it was like

To do the evil things of the sinful nature

That came with the diseases bestowed upon ourselves.

The misfits of God accept anyone and everyone

Whether it is the homeless

The addict

The mentally or physically handicapped

The alcoholic

Or those who prostitute their faith;

For we remember, just as Christ became our Savior

He is their Savior as well.

We often feel alone, abandoned by other church goers

Because we are too wounded to go to church,

Simply because that old song “Great is thy Faithfulness”

Is too hard to hear when God seems so silent,

Or that new song “Give Thanks”

Makes you feel like you have cancer in your throat.

The misfits of Christianity heard:

If you just had enough faith, you’d be healed by now

And

If you prayed more, you wouldn’t get sick.

Yet we know these things are foolish.

The angels to answer our prayers have already been dispatched

But they are detained in a brutal spiritual war

As was with Daniel when he wore sack cloth

And bathed in ashes.

We take one day at a time because we remember that

Today we are healthy

But tomorrow we might have a craving.

Some are completely healed of their disease by the mighty hand of God

We do not envy these people but look to them for guidance

For peace, for comfort and words of wisdom

These people remain among us lest they forget the pain

And the miracle that has occurred in their lives.

For those of us that remain misfits, in the insanity of our addiction

We work the twelve steps, patiently biding our time until God reveals His glory in us.

Linking you to the world!

I wonder if this will post properly... in any event I will write down what it is and what it says: I DON'T HAVE A METH LAB (NEVER EVER) leave me alone.

See now... I am desperately hoping that the guy that wrote this was actually some insightful dude that did this to crack people up--or even a group of teenagers looking to get someone in trouble. Yet, desperate times call for desperate stupidity (well and cuts in the education system call for stupidity...) AT ANY RATE! I find this absolutely hysterical.

And here's something for a real smile... Anything I find is usually from one of the sites at the bottom of each page, HOWEVER sometimes THEY go to even OTHER sites so I will try to do my best to keep up. The Meth-heads up there are via tumbler and my gummy friend is via cheezburger site called "epic win FTW"

u must be KIDDING ME

So I wrote an intro post? Effing hell I clicked the wrong button. I messed up. ARGH! So screw it. This is my first post. Put THAT in your pipe and smoke it!

So... here we go

BWAhahAHHAHA so despite my ineptitude at all this I found that post I accidentally deleted... happy reading.

So... it's totally later than it should be. This blog layout stuff is addictive to me-- I'm fighting going to sleep like anybody's business. I won't lie. This is going to be all about me and my head. I'm not everybody else... no matter how badly I want to be. I get a lot of crap from people about: well if you don't like your life then just CHANGE. But sometimes it's not a simple surgery than changes the way your mind works. Sometimes the "offending limb" can not simply be cut off. I am a massive proponent of grammar but I'll be honest: I'm going to be typing the way the words are going through my head. You may not like that. Poop to you. There will be poetry, fun pictures from my roamings throughout the internet (spell check claims "roamings" is not a word and I don't care), as well as simple long thoughts that I feel the world needs to hear. Truth be told there is hardly any chance anyone will read this, but I will write it in the vague sense that because it is online somehow I am telling someone my feelings. It's a lie. Don't worry I know I'm in denial. SoooOOOO... I'm never going to stop, am I? Rambling Done.