Sunday, December 19, 2010
GENIUS
I SO WISH I knew who to attribute this to because it is so incredibly perfect in so many ways. Like... seriously. This pic just might deserve a badassary award. It might have originally appeared in deviantart.
mandatory Christmas post
manic cleaning...
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
emo emu
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
*twistedtruth* written 11/07/09
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Happy is a crime
But then there is another crux. Gotta love all the branching variations of the ways happiness is a problem. When I am doing WELL... it is a boggle to them... it doesn't make sense. There are a multiple range of responses. Everything from well why don't you just be this way all the time to if you can be like this why the hell did you act like blah blah at such and such a time.
Then it gets worse. There are the people that actually care. That watch helplessly from the water's edge as you drown. There is nothing they can do.
Then there is the personal turmoil: knowing that invariably we are filled to be emptied again. That undoubtedly the rug shall be removed from beneath us. That's just the way it is.
Saturday, August 14, 2010
it's hard to be sad when you're squealing uncontrollably
Friday, August 13, 2010
Doctor's Seri-ous Insanity Monologue
Thursday, August 12, 2010
Saturday, July 31, 2010
One of me
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Because no one appreciates my sense of humor
Monday, July 12, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Four Letter Words July 26, 2009
and cannot think of anything else
than beating my fists against your chest
and crying until I need rest.
I hate you and you never did me wrong
but I desire distance none the less
and have so much to confess
but you already know what I have to say
the best I can do is go away
and rob myself of today.
In quiet consolation I create hatred
and turn a soft heart to hardest lead
while I grit my teeth dying in bed.
Perhaps the ativan will kick in
and I can spend life numb instead
indifferent to this shit in my head.
I hate you for these feelings you've stirred.
Y-O-U is my new favorite four letter word.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
“They deplored any joyful tendencies in me, but I was their Zora never the less.” -Zora Neale Hurston
Plato referred to himself as “a gadfly” and Emily Dickenson tried to test her sanity with pigment to parchment. They were “deplored” for their “tendencies?” but it is those same characteristics that now endear artists like Georgia O’Keefe, Lord Byron, and William Blake eternally to humanity. Their fits of creativity rendered them sometimes cast off by society until the final workings of their art were presented, digested, and sought after.
Not to compare myself to Picasso, Van Gogh, or Wordsworth, but I believe that the stamp of my being bears the same creed as these artists. We are colored the same hue deep beneathe the skin, our own race of majestic insanity.
They call me odd (I hear them gawk sometimes in disbelief). My race is few and hard to recognize at times- especially when it tries to change for fear of realizing, as Zora did, how different an individual is when stuck against the backdrop of another race.
Daily I experience the racism. I hear “Tolerance for all colors!” yet I see no one looking at the colors deep within that really make up who a person is. The color of skin creates prejudices against a mortal, physical body that will pass away. But the racism I experience is against the color of creativity that paints an eternal, immortal soul.
Written Junior year of High School as prompted by Mrs. Richardville in AP Composition
______________________________________________________________
So I've been thinking a lot today about the concept of family. There is a root that makes you what you are. And that root is comprised of greater reaching root system that tie you to others and help you "name who you are." Without an intrinsic grounding provided by knowing my extended family I have been forced to create a nameless bond with the only thing that has stuck with me for so many years. That being my status as different. Yeah, I don't think like everybody else--and that is ok--however I have been naming myself according to my mental illness.
So I'm sitting here thinking about what family means, as this weekend I had an opportunity to spend time with extended family in another state. I seek to find a grounding outside of the unstable nature of my mental illness.
There seems to be a theme here...

Sunday, June 27, 2010
*wicked witch* (written today)

Thursday, June 24, 2010
neurotic... a little tooooo neurotic yeah I really do think

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z_NrOpl6h5Y
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Oxymoron
A particularly irksome oxymoron: self-evaluation. For both are undeniably skew. Self has been ravaged by disease and perception for an “evaluation” are completely run-amok. Yet this all relies completely on me in my horrid state to evaluate my condition and seek help accordingly. Sounds more like a sick joke than proper instruction.
Monday, June 21, 2010
So it has been one freaking long day
Sunday, June 20, 2010
The Misfits of Christianity *December 2006*
The misfits of Christianity give generously
For they remember the time they were without.
Whether it is of their love
For they were without friends
Whether it is of their money or belongings
For they without food or clothes
Whether it is of their patience
For they were without mercy from others.
The misfits of Christianity never judge and forgive graciously
For they remember what it was like
To do the evil things of the sinful nature
That came with the diseases bestowed upon ourselves.
The misfits of God accept anyone and everyone
Whether it is the homeless
The addict
The mentally or physically handicapped
The alcoholic
Or those who prostitute their faith;
For we remember, just as Christ became our Savior
He is their Savior as well.
We often feel alone, abandoned by other church goers
Because we are too wounded to go to church,
Simply because that old song “Great is thy Faithfulness”
Is too hard to hear when God seems so silent,
Or that new song “Give Thanks”
Makes you feel like you have cancer in your throat.
The misfits of Christianity heard:
If you just had enough faith, you’d be healed by now
And
If you prayed more, you wouldn’t get sick.
Yet we know these things are foolish.
The angels to answer our prayers have already been dispatched
But they are detained in a brutal spiritual war
As was with Daniel when he wore sack cloth
And bathed in ashes.
We take one day at a time because we remember that
Today we are healthy
But tomorrow we might have a craving.
Some are completely healed of their disease by the mighty hand of God
We do not envy these people but look to them for guidance
For peace, for comfort and words of wisdom
These people remain among us lest they forget the pain
And the miracle that has occurred in their lives.
For those of us that remain misfits, in the insanity of our addiction
We work the twelve steps, patiently biding our time until God reveals His glory in us.
Linking you to the world!


I wonder if this will post properly... in any event I will write down what it is and what it says: I DON'T HAVE A METH LAB (NEVER EVER) leave me alone.